Problems play a big part of our lives and believe it or not……are good for us!
Today we are talking problems… After all, everyone experiences problems and yet whilst some people can use daily struggles to become stronger, others seem overawed and weighted down by them. Why is this? Well, the answer lies in the “type” of problems you might be wrestling with and, more importantly, whether they are “Safe Problems” or “Quality Problems”.
Safe?
Safe problems could be defined as institutional whereas quality problems are often situational. As a result, safe problems never seem to get solved despite the fact they are often discussed. Even when a solution is found, it’s usually temporary and the problem frequently returns. Worst of all, they give life to destructive habits such as poor nutrition and drinking habits.
So let’s use an example to explain the cyclic nature of safe problems… Picture a person who blames their parents for not having the education they feel they should have received when they were young.
As they progress into adulthood, this becomes their “safe problem”, their “go to” story. Falsely empowered by the safety of the problem, they eat unhealthy foods, drink alcohol in excess and, all the while, blame their parents for everything else that goes wrong in their life. This problem seems to help them get connection with themselves and others, whilst keeping the “safe problem” alive.
Another example of a “Safe problem” would be someone who says “My issue is I am always fat and hate my body” Over time this becomes an institutional issue and wielded to explain an array of negative outcomes regardless of its relevance. In a strange twist, the safety of the problem also offers a sense of connection to the inner self and begins to define the person more and more as he/she utters the words; telling friends, family and neighbours that “they will never lose weight and will always be fat”. They cling on to this “safe problem” as its easier than facing the truth – that they must destroy the “safe problem” and create a healthier lifestyle, leading to a longer, happier life.
By never addressing the problem and getting the support they need (such as: The Body Camp/good nutrition/a coach), the problem stays alive and the person continues to eat and drink unnatural foods and other poor quality drinks – which supports the very problem they perceive to have.
Quality
What we really need in life is more “Quality problems” – these are decisions such as: the next vacation, what new job offer should to take or where should you buy your next home. Of course not all problems are as nice as these. It would be wholly unrewarding to drift through life without any challenges and yet, a person who takes responsibility for the moment they are in right now and doesn’t blame others for life’s hiccups is much more likely not to become a victim to a problem and prosper.
Have a think about your problems – are they “safe” or “quality”!
And always remember – problems are gifts in the hands of a grateful recipient!
Rick Parcell
Strategic Intervention Coach